And A Partridge In A Pear Tree!
by Mulch Diggums
Summary: Being in a Christmas mood, the Fowl Characters wrote out their wishlists. This may be kept going throughout the year, to remind us all of the Holidays!
1. Chapter 1

And A Partridge In a Pear Tree!

_Author's Notes:_

_I am NOT responsible for any spontaneous hysterics that may occur after reading this. Nor will I revel that I actually own none of the characters in here. By the way, all the **bolded** things are comments by the person who is writing the list._

Artemis Fowl's Christmas Wish List:

A fairy shuttle **(Obviously, my parents cannot read this.)**

Half a metric ton of gold **(As per usual)**

Dr. Po off my back **(As soon as possible, even if it means that I am one gift short under the tree!)**

Psychology in Retrospect By Dr. F. Roy Dean Schlippe **(That's a book.)**

Unlimited access to Foaly's Files **(I have reason to believe he has some of my memories on file, I wish to delete them.)**

My c-cube back **(Foaly took it. Among other things. I promise that I won't deal with any more crooked American businessmen. My newest contact is a crooked American business_woman_.)**

World Peace **(I'm not all bad, Holly.)**

Domovoi Butler's Christmas Wish List:

A new Sig Saur **(My old one is wearing down.)**

The latest Guns and Ammo **(So I like to read? So what?)**

A law degree **(Who knows when you might need one. Real or fake is optional)**

Two Fairy Blasters **(I like those babies. The don't kill, which can be helpful.)**

Commander Julius Root's Christmas Wish List:

Fungus Cigars **(You can never have enough, especially with Short around.)**

Fungus Cigars **(So I like a little smoke every once in a while, so what? It ain't killed me yet!)**

An ashtray **(My old one disintegrated.)**

Fungus Cigars **(SHUT UP ABOUT THE CIGARS!)**

The newest Baby-Sitter's Club Books **(Remember, I know where you live.)**

Mulch Diggum's Christmas Wish List

Beetle Beer **(Or Stinkworm Wine. Makes for good chin hair.)**

Gold. Lots and lots of gold. **(Shiny)**

Stealing made legal **(I'm kleptomanic. I _can't help it_. Not like that's gotten me out of jail, thanks again you stupid lawyer!)**

Goblin's made _il_legal **(Stupid slimy things should never have been legal.)**

Fire made illegal **(I hate fire.)**

Ice made illegal **(I hate ice.)**

More gold **(REEEEEEEEALLLL SHINY!)**

Holly Short's Christmas Wish List

To be able to blast all of Fowl's portraits** (Their sooo creepy!)**

A new apartment **(Have you _seen_ mine!)**

The newest StopAction single, Dwarves in a Tunnel **(StopAction is the best fairy band!)**

StopAction concert tickets** (I can dream, can't I?)**

Foaly to be wrong for a whole week **(I love him being wrong!)**

Fowl to be wrong for a whole week **(Then I could laugh at him! Ha!)**


	2. Chapter 2

And A Partridge In a Pear Tree!

_Author's Notes:_

WOW! I got such good review that I decided I'd have to do more! Today is the 'Villain' edition. Holly may think that the old Artemis Fowl belongs here, but I totally disagree! Thanks again to all my reviewers! Please, do review, I loooooove reviews! By the way, these are written to coincide with the latest Artemis Fowl, however, certain evil-doers have been brought back from the dead… you can guess who.

Briar Cudgeon's Christmas Wish List

World Domination **(well, duh)**

Chocolate **(Yummy…)**

Root dead **(From what I hear, this may have come true...)**

My beautiful face back! **(After all, I was so handsome. Now, I'm a disaster)**

Assorted Human Candy **(why, oh why did I forget to have that human, Luc-whatsisname get candy?)**

Jon Spiro's Christmas Wish List

Money

All those stupid Phonetix people to die **(Business is bad enough!)**

Total proof that Fowl's eyes are blue…. Blue. **(BLUE!)**

My fame and fortune back **(I suppose being an international criminal is ok, but I hate letting that idiot district attorney win!)**

Carla off my back **(I owe her two thousand measly bucks, she makes me lose my case**_A/N That's my wishful thinker typing there! _**for Pete's sake!)**

Opal Koboi's Christmas Wish List

To get out of prison **(there is noooooo consideration here!)**

Money **(I've always had money. Where is it now? It deserted me!)**

World Domination **(or at least partial domination. For now…)**

A decent computer **(how will I keep up with my e-mail if I don't?)**

Chocolate Truffles **(must- have- chocolate!)**

Revenge… **(Short… Fowl… Diggums… Foaly… BWAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!)**

The Author's Christmas Wish List

Reviews! **(So do them now! I'll reply to every one personally!)**

For Eion Colfer to hurry up with the 5th Artemis Fowl book! **(I need more to read!)**

Reviews! **(Quickly!)**

MORE Reviews! **(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!)**

For you to read my other fanfics! **(I'm telling you, they're really good!)**

ALL THE REVIEWS IN THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA! **(what more can I say?)**


	3. Chapter 3

And A Partridge in a Pear Tree

_Authors Notes/Disclaimer:_

_This 'story' has gotten such a good response. Thank you to all my awesome reviewers! I've had pleas to add Mr. & Mrs. Fowl, which I intend to do. I've also had people ask me to do an Artemis Fowl Christmas Special. I'll think on that one. Remember, for those of you who've forgotten: **bold** equals a comment. And I know that this is after Christmas, but my beloved reviewers may lynch me if I don't update. (Here it is, guys 'n' gals!) _

Artemis Fowl the First's Christmas Wish List

For Arty to finally see what Christmas is about. **(The spirit of giving. He just can't see how nice it is. He's more of a taker…)**

Gold **(You can take the man out of the gold, but you can't take the gold out of the man…)**

Guitar lessons **(Hey, I can dream, right?)**

A NASCAR car **(ZOOM!)**

Angeline Fowl's Christmas Wish List

Fung Shei lessons **(The house's chi is so out of place, I need to fung shei the whole place.)**

For Arty to see what Christmas is about. **(After all, I am a mother.)**

For Timmy to never change again **(Once was more than enough.)**

That jade necklace from Tiffany's **(And the matching earrings, and the matching brooch, and…)**

Juliet Butler's Christmas Wish List

Wrestling videos **(Especially the 1983 Grudge Match Video. It's the only one I don't have.)**

To win all my wrestling matches **(Not like that ever won't happen. After all I am a Butler.)**

To be able to wrestle my hero, Hogman **(Hogmaaaaaaaaaaaan!)**


End file.
